A tough loss hurts. In the GameChange podcast, The Conversation, Penn State wide receiver Kyron Hudson said, “I feel like I remember the losses more than I remember the wins.”
A defeat can be made worse if a coach, player, or parent doesn’t respond properly. But how do you do that? Here are five steps to getting back on track after a tough loss.
Step #1: Cry it out!
Losing sucks! It is normal and ok to mourn a defeat. Be mad, be sad, don’t pretend it doesn’t hurt. Acknowledge the pain. But put a time limit on it (12 to 24 hours is a good standard). And then proceed to Step #2.
Step #2: Let it Go
Did somebody screw up? Did a teammate commit a turnover at a key point in the game – or did the ref blow a call? Was the coach’s strategy not on point? Maybe it was you. Did you just play your worst game of the season?
It is totally normal to be upset about the circumstances that led to a defeat, but you have to let it go. Forgiveness is a key element to becoming an elite athlete. Why? Because beating yourself up (or others) for mistakes creates a negative mindset that erodes confidence and contributes to bad play in the future. In The Conversation, UCLA women’s rugby player Madison Purves related her own experiences. “I think that’s something I have to work on a lot, like, ‘Oh, I made that bad pass’…and then you start overthinking.”
Step #3: Choose to be Gritty
A common trait among successful people isn’t whether they failed or not. We all fail. It’s how you respond. A gritty determination to dust yourself off and keep trying after a failure is a key predictor for success. It’s simple — after you’re done lamenting the defeat, look in the mirror, and use the loss as fuel to get better. For example, Penn State football wide receiver Kyron Hudson stated, “I think that (losses) kind of motivates me. Okay, I lost, now I’m gonna get back in the lab and make sure I won’t lose again.”
Step #4: Get in the Lab and Learn
As Hudson advises, after a loss, the most important thing you can do is go back to work. Figure out what you did right, where you can improve, and keep practicing. In fact, GameChange contributor, Dr. Michael Brown, a life coach for college athletes, often states that L stands for learning, not losing. This happens in practice, but it can also be something you do during games.
Purves advised the best way to correct mistakes during games is to keep it simple. She explained, “Something I’ve learned to do is (say), ‘Ok, that was bad, I’m just going to do this next simple thing, and then I’m resetting.’ Just getting the next thing done correctly is enough for me to be back in the game.”
Step #5: Gratitude for Playing
The pressure to perform can become so great that the joy of playing is lost. This is both unhealthy and a detriment to high performance. Switching your focus from mistakes, losses, and slumps to being grateful for the opportunity to play a sport you love is the best response to adversity. It is so powerful that elite performers, such as Olympic athletes and Navy Seals, are taught to incorporate gratitude in their training.
