Constantly comparing yourself to others can likely put you on a path to living an inauthentic life that leads to unhappiness. It can create anxiety and low self-esteem because who you are, what you are doing, or where you’re doing it, never seems good enough.
The antidote to constantly comparing yourself to others is to live a life that is authentic to who you are. The school you attend, or the community you live in, might have social norms that are not aligned with your authentic self, and you find yourself dressing a certain way or taking on hobbies that you don’t really enjoy because you just want to fit. This can be especially troubling if you are trying to wear clothes or drive a car that you can’t afford.
Perhaps even more dangerous is when you start feeling bad about yourself because other people in your social group have achieved something that you envy. Maybe your friend got into an Ivy League school, and the highest-ranked college you got accepted to was at a local state school. Or, after graduation, many of your friends have found good-paying jobs, and you are still struggling to find one. The comparisons you make can develop resentment and a scarcity mindset that detracts from your personal growth.
Comparison in sports is especially common. Do you feel bad because you have a friend who’s starting while you come off the bench? Or, maybe a group of kids you played with in middle school made the varsity team while you feel stuck on JV?
Professional soccer player Tyler Blackett could have easily fallen into the negative trap of comparing places where he was playing. Blackett was raised training in the Manchester United Academy and played professionally with the club before embarking on a career across several clubs, leagues, and nations.
Many of the clubs where Blackett has played are much smaller than global powerhouse Man U, where his career started. How did he avoid falling into the trap of comparison? Blackett was asked that question on a GameChange Livestream Forum. His reply showed the positive sense of self esteem that every player should strive for. Blackett said, “I always say everybody that plays football professionally can play.” He added, “Once you’re at a point of being a professional, we can all do the job very, very well.”
What Blackett understands, which can help people who suffer from negatively comparing themselves to others, is that we all bring value. Instead of focusing on the things you don’t have, it is much healthier to put an emphasis on the things that you do have or can do. Every single person has unique gifts that they bring to the table, and that should be your focus instead of comparing yourself to the things that others possess.
The single biggest weapon against falling into the trap of negative comparisons is gratitude by focusing on what you do have. You won’t feel bad lamenting the things you don’t have if you’re too busy enjoying the things you do possess. This is exactly the point Blackett made about playing for a smaller club when he said, “You just enjoy the people around you, the players around you because they’re offering something different to what you’ve had.”
Having gratitude instead of comparing yourself to do the things you don’t have is not only healthier, but various scientific research studies indicate that it leads to higher performance. Gratitude reduces pressure, increases resilience, and strengthens relationships so the next time you are feeling tempted to compare yourself to others, redirect the focus to gratitude for all that you do have!
