When University of Cincinnati women’s volleyball coach Danijela Tomic was a young player living in Zagreb, war broke out in Croatia and neighboring Bosnia & Hercegovina.
It was a tragic time for the people of those nations, but in all adverse times, there are lessons that can be learned. There is one particular thing that Tomic has carried with her throughout her life that she wishes she had known then and teaches now to all the players that she coaches.
What is that lesson?
“I learned about impermanence…. everything comes to an end,” stated Tomic.
When you are stuck in adverse times, it is easy to believe that they will last forever, but things change. It is important to keep believing that good times can and will reappear. As Tomic said on a GameChange Livestream Forum, “Everything will pass.” She added a line that she often tells her teams. “I tell them, ‘On cloudy days, the sun is there. The sun is there. We just don’t see it. We’ll wake up tomorrow, the sun will come up.’”
When suffering through challenging times, it can seem easier said than done to believe that better times are ahead. So, what can you do?
- Acknowledge the pain: It doesn’t help to pretend that your pain doesn’t exist. This often just delays dealing with it, and oftentimes, the more you delay, the harder it gets.
- Accept what you can’t control: As Tomic said, “Just accept what’s happening as it is. We often want to resist. We want to control things, and we can’t.” Failure to accept things you can’t control only leads to more stress and makes things harder to resolve.
- Focus on what you can control. The only thing we can really control is our response to the things that life has thrown our way. Find the things you can control instead of focusing on the things you can’t.
- Stay out of the rut: Tomic explained, “We just have to keep moving. Make the next step.” On the subject of steps…
- One step at a time: It is easy to get overwhelmed when you think of everything you need to do to get to a better place. Just focus on the next step in the process.
- Make it a story: Imagine five years from now, thinking back on the challenge that you are currently facing. Instead of lamenting the struggle, view yourself as the protagonist in a great story that shows grit and creativity in finding ways to overcome the challenge.
Tomic’s story has been about volleyball and how it can provide lessons for those times in life when things don’t go our way. She explained. “We lose, and we show up in the gym again the next day, and we say, ‘Let’s get better. Let’s win the day. Let’s create habits that will help us again, close the gap where we are now and where we want to go.’ So that’s why I love sports.”
