Ray Davis often walked the streets in one of the most notorious neighborhoods of San Francisco, known for drugs being sold on its corners, homelessness, and high crime. He would take his little sister to school before running back home to take care of his baby brother. He was just 9.
How did Davis go from a childhood of instability and homelessness to becoming an NFL star running back with the Buffalo Bills? What propelled him out of the dire circumstances that defined his life?
This story starts when Davis’s mother was 14. That was her age when she got pregnant with Ray and was only 15 when she gave birth. In a story in The Athletic, Davis stated, “She wasn’t ready. I love my mom, but she just couldn’t figure it out.”
It wasn’t just Davis’s mother. Both she and his father were in and out of prison for long periods of time during Davis’s childhood, and he was very often left to fend for himself. He bounced from place to place when he was a kid, often sleeping on the floor of his grandmother’s small home or finding someone who would take him in.
“I was the kid who was kinda left around a bunch of different places,” Davis told The Athletic. Davis stayed afloat by bouncing from couch to couch, but when he was 12, his list of places ran out, and he spent two months living in a homeless shelter.
So how did a kid with a life as unstable as Davis somehow make it to college and then the NFL? You know the saying, “It takes a village?” Well, Davis had one heck of a village. From coaches who paid for his league fees – to a mentor from the Big Brothers program – to a teacher that he lived with for three years – to a lady who took him in with her husband as his legal guardians before Davis got his big break.
We’ll get back to that big break in a moment, but first it must be mentioned how this village that saved Davis’s life coalesced around him. They didn’t just land out of nowhere. They were all a byproduct of a very simple thing. Davis asked them for help. As a little kid with no parents to advocate for him, he learned to advocate for himself.
In the interview with The Athletic, Davis discussed his turbulent upbringing and landing in a homeless shelter. He said, “It just taught me: you’re a man now. No more being spoon-fed. No more having your hand held. You’re gonna have to figure this out yourself.”
A couple of examples of how Davis had to figure it out — before and after his stint in the shelter: Davis got Patrick Dowley as a Big Brother when he saw a flier for the program and called to put himself on the waiting list. He was only 8. After his time in the shelter, Davis reached out to Ben Klaus, one of his elementary school teachers, and that call resulted in Davis living for three years with Klaus and his wife.
There is so much to be learned from Davis’s unfortunate childhood. At the top of the list is that no man is an island and we all need help, even a guy running for touchdowns in the NFL. Another important lesson that Davis learned far, far earlier than most people is the power of self-advocacy.
The ability to advocate for yourself is often an underutilized superpower that can help you perform at the highest levels in sports, academics, and professional life. Here are some ways self-advocacy helps:
Builds Confidence: Anxiety that you might be feeling about a situation you are in can be replaced with a can-do spirit when you know that there are people willing to help.
Secures Resources: Asking for the things you need can remove impediments that slow you down from your success, such as tools, training, mentorship, or clearer strategy objectives.
Helps Develop Growth: Proactively asking for guidance can help you more nimbly course correct and quickly sharpen skills that would otherwise take longer to develop.
Narrative Control: The ability to proactively articulate your skills, achievements, and the context of your situation is the best way to prevent your value from being underestimated or misrepresented by others.
After years of learning how to advocate for himself, it was the ability to control the narrative that ultimately served Davis the best when he arrived at a major crossroads moment in his life.
Davis was 16 years old when he and his legal guardians, Lora Banks and her husband, Greg Ley, arrived at a San Francisco court for what was supposed to be a formality. Davis had been given the opportunity to attend an East Coast prep school on an athletic scholarship. This was finally the big break that could propel him to college and a much better life.
Davis just needed court approval, and everything seemed to be set ahead of the hearing. There was no indication that there would be any opposition, and so everyone was shocked when a county attorney told the court that he was opposed to the move. Banks told the Democrat & Chronicle newspaper, “I mean, my jaw just hit the floor.”
The county attorney argued that Davis had a better support system in San Francisco and moved against the move. Davis’s attorney, Patty Fitzsimmons, had to improvise a defense because they believed that an agreement for Davis to attend the prep school was already in place.
Judge Catherine Lyons listened to the arguments of both attorneys before finally turning to Davis and asking him why he should be able to go. Davis recalled, “Being such a young kid who didn’t really have a voice and relied on adults to make very important decisions for me, that was my opportunity to speak up and say how I felt for the first time, really.”
Davis’s words moved Judge Lyons to tears. She looked at him and said, “I’ve been a judge 10 years, and this is something I never get to do. Re’Mahn Davis, you’re no longer a ward of the court. I believe you’re going to graduate high school. And I believe one day you’re going to graduate from college.”
The path to college was not easy, but after Davis got his first college scholarship offer from Purdue, he and his father (with whom he had reconnected) sat together crying.
The long, difficult road was opening up, and Judge Lyons’s prediction was even one-upped when Davis was drafted by the Buffalo Bills. He has become a star NFL running back and has started a charity to help other kids who face the same struggles that he once did.
It all happened because Davis learned the power of self-advocacy.
